I know a lot about living with fear. I would venture to say that I am somewhat of
an expert at ‘living in fear.’ I have
lived with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Agoraphobia all my
life, though only formally diagnosed in 1992 at the age of 20. I am ALWAYS on edge, prone to debilitating
panic attacks and periods of depersonalization when my mind seems to step out
of my body to become a passive observer to what is happening around me. I have used self-help books, multiple
medications (currently Prozac), various doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists,
prayer, community and family supports, and intensive therapeutic tools such as
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Anger Management, and Acceptance and Commitment
Therapy. Even with all these tools and
an overwhelmingly supportive family, I find myself anxious most of the time and
in deep fear of everything and everyone around me on a regular basis. I feel like throwing up just typing these
words.
I may have almost 50 years of experience of living ‘with’
fear, but I have fought hard most days not to live ‘in’ fear. Fear kills joy, it kills hope, it kills the
soul, if we live in it. We have to fight
fear each day. We might not always be
successful, but we can learn when we stumble or fail. The minute we give in and live in fear, which
also means living out of fear, fear becomes our god, and our actions and words
spread the message of the god of fear.
Fear is impatient, fear is mean, it is envious of the
‘peace’ it sees in others. Fear is
boastful and proud, viciously attacking others who do not share this fear as being
‘short-sighted,’ ‘naïve,’ or just ‘willfully oblivious.’ It dishonours and labels everyone who might
be perceived as a source of fear. It is
self-seeking, building fears upon fears.
It strikes out in anger at any and all threats and keeps immaculate
records of the wrongs it has experienced, and who has caused those wrongs. Fear clouds truth and leads us into thinking
that doing the wrong thing is completely justified in times of ‘danger.’ Despite all its effort, fear offers no
protection, it erodes trust, derides hope, and, in its own cyclical way, only
perseveres by feeding itself, creating more fear. Fear always fails.
Oh, yes, I know all about fear!
There is only one real antidote to living in fear, trust.
No, there is no quick fix, nor is there a 12-step
program. I’m not selling anything. Trust
me.
In our 21st century, when the words ‘enemy’ and ‘other’
have been all but replaced with ‘terrorist’ in popular lingo, we have allowed
fear to creep more and more into our daily lives. No longer can we easily imagine a ‘home-sweet-home.’ Fear has us looking at the person next to us
on the street, at the mall, or at worship, with distrust.
The politics of fear are playing out all around us. Look to our sisters and brothers in the
United States, they are living through a time when distrust and fear guides
almost every decision, leading to more fear and distrust. Hear the political cry of fear – “trust no
one!” Just this past week I read an
article suggesting that the wave of fear which feeds the ‘far-right’ (and at
times ‘far-left’) is on the rise here in Canada. Now that’s something to fear!
But don’t live IN fear.
Trust me. This will lead to even
more fear and distrust. I acknowledge
that there are many in our country who live in fear and distrust. Maybe this describes you. If it does, let me be honest, I live with a
fear of where your ideas, words, and actions will lead us, not only as a
country, but as fellow member of humanity.
But, and let me be clear on this, I do not live ‘in’ fear of you and the
things for which you stand.
The only antidote to this fear is trust, and I trust that
you are confident that you have good reasons for what you say, do, and believe. I, however, disagree. Can we talk?
Can we put aside our fears and recognize that we share a lot more in
common than fear would allow us to believe?
Trust me. I’m as anxious as you
are (and I know a lot about fear), but I believe that if we don’t reach out to
one another, fear, and the politics of fear will continue to grow.
John
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